Treat me like an Adult

By Mark Eati

I reopen my wounds for this blog, but only to express and heal them. Sometimes, I am raw from painful memories.

Why me? Why so much pain? Why no one understands? Why do they think I am a baby? It hurts me as to why they do not see me as an adult? On what grounds are my feelings less painful than a typical adult? For many years I have been treated like a child that has no feelings, a child that follows the parent. I was treated in so many ways as disabled. I respect why I was being treated that way but that’s not how I want to be treated. I even want my brother to be treated per his age. In fact, I want every autistic to be treated per their age, not by what they seem on the outside, or based on their potential cognitive age.

I whisper to my brother that it’s not our choice to be born this way. I wish that our worst enemies are never in our bodies. Please, offer your advice but don’t make decisions for us. I treat myself as an adult and not a child. In our days of sadness we never received a good message that it will be okay. That’s because it was assumed that we did not understand anything. We desperately needed counselling. Instead we got baby care with baths and bedtime stuff. We needed to hear right from wrong. Instead we were not talked to when we made mistakes. We were either distracted or told not to do it or given therapy. Explanations using age appropriate information were minimal. I tried to learn myself. I repeatedly made mistakes. On the outside it didn’t cause any harm because I was very well protected. But on the inside I tortured myself with each failure and lack of guidance. Guidance where it existed was not age appropriate. I even stayed in depression because it helped to feel self-pity for my condition. I totally understand why this happened, it was because I was a toddler on the outside. I treated myself more than a toddler but had no way of convincing people that I am not. Opinions of people about me varied and their treatments varied. Some were better than others.

From this point forward, I never ever want to be treated like a child anymore. I treat others with respect and expect the same. I am not angry, just frustrated. Movies are not my thing, but my mother brings me there treating me like an adult. She takes me to a restaurant like an adult. I tell my mother what I want and she respects it. I do not get this treatment consistently. We are normal adults inside but stuck in disabled bodies.

Please Note:  I am posting this because I am sure every child with autism experiences this at one point or other in their homes, schools or community.